Pilgrims' Progress

[David Wright]

I arrived at Mill Hill East, a single-station branch of the Northern Line, in uncharacteristically good time. I took the opportunity to down a swift half pint in the Angel and Crown before heading on to our arranged meeting point, the grave of 1960’s rock ‘n’ roller, Billy Fury. Our pre-trip research revealed Fury’s resting place to be the closest thing to a landmark in this corner of working class suburbia.

On leaving the pub, I spotted Dave standing on the street opposite working out his route. We had chosen to ignore the advice on the Billy Fury fan club website, warning pilgrims to avoid Mill Hill East tube station as it was miles from the cemetery. Our instincts proved spot on. After a short walk, North London’s Pere Lachaise was in sight. We reached the cemetery gates. Our hearts sank. CEMETERY CLOSED.

Hopelessly, we peered over the 6-feet high wooden gates. Our respects would have to be paid at a later date. But hang on… A white, heart-shaped headstone, identical to the one pictured on the fan club website, was clearly visible. Billy’s grave! And only 30 yards in the distance.

Spirits lifted, Dave pulled out his trusted i-Phone to give us a blast of the Scouse rocker’s little-known classic, Don’t Leave Me This Way. Mission accomplished. Time now to refresh ourselves in one of Mill Hill’s very few pubs.

‘Rather than hanging around Mill Hill, we could actually head over to Edgware, travel home from there and knock off another EOTL destination,’ Dave suggested.

An unexpected twist to the evening. We quickly found a bus route which terminated at Edgware, home to Max Bygraves and godfather of mullets, DJ Pat Sharp. At 7.30pm the bus pulled up outside Edgware tube station. First impressions were not good – an astonishingly dreary high street.

The first pub we chanced upon, the Masonic Arms, located on the corner of a busy junction, looked so depressingly awful that we thought better of it and consulted Google Maps for other options.

‘The Adele Fifer sounds promising, kind of Irish-sounding.’

I totally agreed with Dave’s proposal. The name did have an intriguing ring to it.

We were slightly concerned to discover the street on which the Adele Fifer was apparently located appeared to be completely residential.

‘It must be set back off the street or something.’

Dave was sounding less confident. We asked a local resident. Never heard of it, definitely no pubs around here.

Reluctantly, we headed back to the Masonic Arms. Escaping the banging music, thoughtfully provided for the entertainment of the two customers inside, we took our pints into the beer garden overlooking the traffic junction.

‘There’s a Prince of Wales a couple of miles down Burnt Oak Broadway,’ Dave suggested.

We agreed it was worth a bus ride. The Princes of Wales, after all, had served us well on our last trip to Wimbledon.

After overcoming a few navigational issues (getting on the wrong bus, for example), we arrived at the Prince of Wales. No lights on, boarded up door… PROPERTY FOR SALE! Another victim of our cruel economic system, or perhaps a landlord’s understandable desire to get the hell out of Edgware.

We finally settled for the Lansdowne, a little further out of our way, and barely more inviting than the Masonic. After getting the drinks in, we found ourselves a table in the beer garden located, as is the norm in these parts, adjacent to the main road. A chicken kebab and chips purchased from a fine eatery opposite provided adequate sustenance.

All in all, a night of mixed fortunes. However, with 9 stations visited, completion of our project on schedule is looking a little more likely.

Footnote: The Institute for Home Management, 55 The Drive, Edgware, offers courses in Careful and Efficient Skills in Laundry and Ironing, Informal and Formal Table Setting, and Correct Table Etiquette. Contact Adele Fifer for further information.