There Might Be Giants

[David Wright]

Late afternoon, my works Christmas lunch winding down, I stepped out of the cosy Bankside pub onto the cold, grey, riverside walkway and made my way along to London Bridge.  The Bakerloo north to Baker Street, change for the Metropolitan and I embark on EOTL’s most ambitious outing to date.  Uxbridge, 15 miles north-west of central London and home town of celebrated astrologer, Russell Grant, and the drummer from Bad Manners.   The one downside of tonight’s venture was that we’d be missing the penultimate episode of The Apprentice, the result of a grave planning oversight.  

 

Despite a few minor delays along the way, I reached the end of the Piccadilly and Metropolitan lines in good time.  I paused to admire the fine Holden station with elegant concave façade, designed to accommodate a turning circle for trolleybuses.  After checking out Randall’s, a Grade 2 Listed Art Deco department store, I settled myself in the Three Tuns, still ten minutes shy of our 6.30 meeting time.

 

Twenty minutes later a text comes through from Dave.  Running late, 7 stops short of Uxbridge. Ten minutes pass before the next text.  He’s now 8 stops short (apologies for previous miscalculation).   Another ten minutes pass.  A call from Dave.  Train has terminated at Harrow on the Hill – all change, please.  Dave finally arrives at 7.30.  Apologies are offered and duly accepted.

 

We congratulate ourselves on a satisfactory choice of pub – the Three Tuns offers a warm, festive atmosphere and a decent pint of Christmas Ale (or Adnams as it’s called the other 11 months of the year).  We decide to brave the smoking area which turns out to be a covered and fully-enclosed, heated patio.  How this meets legal requirements, neither of us can figure out, although I do spot an inch-wide gap in the canvas wall, through which skilled smokers could potentially expel their poisonous fumes.

 

A couple more pints and we hit the streets of Uxbridge.  We headed, firstly, for the Crown and Sceptre,  attracted as we were by the online review which described this establishment as ‘a shithole’ which ‘attracts violence’.  Another reviewer had noted the presence of the tallest woman he’d ever seen, standing at 6 feet 8 inches tall or more.  We tentatively entered.  A smart if homogenous interior, but a distinct lack of customers.  Perhaps sensing that things were about to kick off with the arrival of a couple of Scots hardmen, the pub’s single customer, an elderly punter, swiftly downed his pint and departed.

 

As we headed for the bar, our spirits were lifted by the dulcet tones of Lord Sugar on the widescreen TV.  Restored faith in our planning skills.  We settled down to enjoy the latter part of The Apprentice in the company of the charming young barman.  An unexpected treat.

 

Next stop, The Ostler.  Karaoke night and a magnet for the town’s teen pop stars in the making.  We were treated to fine renditions of New York State of Mind and Chasing Cars amongst other modern classics.  Six or seven pints down and this place felt like home.  Our youth rediscovered.

 

After a whisky nightcap, served with style in a half pint beer glass, we reluctantly departed.  We arrived back at the station just in time to catch the last Metropolitan train for the long journey back into the heart of the big city.  Despite a lack of mid-week violence and no sightings of giant women, a thoroughly satisfying adventure was had.

[David Wright]

This is Eleanor posing as Biggs.  You should change the name of the site from EOTL to "Two Scots Hard Men Noise Up Punters in M25 Pubs"?  Also feel you should link the site up to your facebook stuff and add status updates when you post a new blog, if such techno-foolery is possible.

[David Wright]

Very nice.  Annoyingly, I can't download Google Earth on my work computer.

[David Scott]

I have updated the map to incorporate what you might refer to as "the first Lord Sugar icon". I  recommend viewing it in "earth mode" where you can now enjoy a fully immersive 3D experience... which seems only right in these 3D times.

http://www.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&msa=0&msid=2032207640...

 

[David Wright]

Dave, there have been no additions!!!  Perhaps I should have made it clear that 'karaoke night' involved karaoke.  I take your point on the superfluity of the word, 'first', and apologise.  That said, the first sentence in the final paragraph relates to our final drink in the Ostler.

[David Scott]

...and although it is literally "the first paragraph covering our visit to the Ostler" there is a level of redundancy in this phrase.

[David Scott]

You've just added that.

[David Wright]

I would draw your attention to the first paragraph covering our visit to The Ostler.

[David Scott]

Very good Mr Wright, although I see no mention of Karaoke? Is this some kind of coverup? The truth will out ....

http://www.wikileaks.ch/Dave_Wright_In_Krazy_Night_Of_Karaoke_EKspose